Think that your donations are getting to those in need. Well, think again. The local affliliate of the Save the Gnomes found out that their hard-collected and donated cash didn’t reach the little guys it was intended to help.

“Due to deforestation and natural disasters, thousands of Gnome families have been forced to relocate,” says group founder and only member Zadie Hawkings. “The government not only denies the claims of Gnomes indigenous to the area, officials refuse to acknowledge the race exists at all.”

Ms. Hawkings thought she found a kindred spirit in International Gnome and Other Faerie Races Organization. IGOFRO for short, did indeed live up to its moniker. It went fro with Ms. Hawkings savings and used the money to buy gold-tipped butterflies and ambrosia for it’s faerie board members. While the organization has promised the matter will be looked into, no official comment was released at press time.

Yes, The Bluff City Chronicle was unavailable for quite some time. We will not mince words with our devoted readers - it was space monkeys.

As you may have heard, chimpanzees in Senegal have been found to be using spears. This is just the tip of the iceberg, folks, as primates from other planets have been aiding the evolution of Earth-simians for their eventual revolution. They see The Chronicle as a threat, and attempted to silence us. We will keep you posted.

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